Feelings
by GwendolynTalbot
Summary: A one shot following Spooked. EO friendship only.


**This takes place following Spooked - I tried not to stray from canon here, so as much as it pains me -** _ **and it really did pain me**_ **\- we won't get any EO action - it's just a quick post ep. Friendship and angst.**

Olivia stood in her apartment, looking out of her window as the rain fell down. Her mind was filled with the turmoil that this investigation had filled her life with. She had endured a gun to her head, discovered Porter's agenda, and sat on her couch, kissing him - even the day before she might have felt so differently about that kiss, but not this time. This time she saw him for what he was and her kiss served as a delay tactic.

She felt disappointed and annoyed with everything that had happened, but mostly angry at herself - for getting held hostage, for trusting Porter - and angry that a killer walked away.

Her mind drifted back to their words as he walked away from the interrogation room, leaving her alone.

 _Olivia: "Why didn't you trust me."_

 _Porter: "Our feelings don't matter."_

A sudden knock at the door startled her from her thoughts - she knew straight away that it would be Elliot. Very few people would bypass the entry system downstairs and come straight to her door - but Elliot would. She sighed as she approached her door, opening it and offering a small smile when she saw her partner.

"Hey Liv, I bought chinese," he said, holding up a bag.

Olivia's smile grew at his gesture and she stepped aside as he entered, closing the door behind him.

"Thanks El," she said.

Elliot felt relaxed, almost at home in her presence. He had tried to head home, but his mind kept drifting back to the image of her with a gun to her head and he couldn't ignore the strong compulsion it gave him to come to her.

They sat and ate for a while in companionable Elliot looked at her and spoke.

"At the airport Liv - I...couldn't get it out of my head. _I needed to come over.._..You doing OK?"

"Yeah El, just processing everything I guess...can't believe I ever trusted Porter," she shrugged, looking away.

"I figured he was a creep, just not this much of a creep," Elliot said.

"He told me our feelings don't matter. Guess he was right." she said softly.

"Don't let that bastard get to you - he's out of your life now."

"Bet your happy about that," Olivia said.

"Come on Liv, I never liked him, but i'm not happy that you're hurting," he said.

"I'm not hurting," Olivia scoffed, as she stood up and returned to her position at the window.

"It's OK to say that you are you know Liv," Elliot said, as he stood and walked over to her - stopping behind her. As he looked out of the window, he couldn't help noticing the reflections they cast on her window. The rain had ceased now, and there was little to see except the building opposite and the street below, but the faint reflection that they cast together made him feel at peace.

"Liv - It's OK not be alright - you liked the guy, you trusted him…. _your feelings do matter,_ " he said quietly.

Olivia closed her eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before opening them and turning around to face him.

"Yeah, well I wish I never had them in the first place," she shrugged.

Elliot took a step forward, realising that he was a little closer than he intended initially, but his intentions seemed to be outside of his control momentarily. Raising his hand, he placed it on her shoulder. She looked at him, meeting his eyes and smiled. Elliot saw a light returning to her eyes that he realised she hadn't had since Porter had left her in the interrogation room. He stepped closer still and pulled her into a hug.

Olivia was surprised initially, but returned his embrace with equal affection.

She felt as though she were melting into his arms - his hold a long unspoken need. She didn't allow herself to push him away, overthink the situation or dismiss his startling honesty as he began speaking again.

" _Feelings matter Liv,_ " he whispered. Elliot held her tightly, his face leaning down and resting against her head. He breathed in the faint flowery scent of shampoo, as he held her close. Moving his mouth to her head he placed a gentle kiss. Olivia responded by slipping her arms further around him, comfortably embracing him.

Elliot could have quite happily remained there, lost in the embrace they shared - a physical closeness they seldom allowed themselves, if she would only allow him,.

"You matter to me more than you know Liv."

Olivia pulled away, causing Elliot to fight the urge to groan in complaint at the loss of her from his arms.

" _I know El._ " she said softly, as she smiled.

He returned her smile as he leaned forward and kissed her on her forehead, pausing as his lips connected with her skin. He felt like he could stay like that, locked in the moment forever, but he knew he had to break away.

He was relieved when Olivia was the one to step away as he wasn't sure he could - although this relief was tinged with regret, and guilt. He wondered briefly what Olivia would do if he took her back in his arms and kissed her, _passionately_. If he could just hold her - erase the image he was trying hard to put out of his mind of a gun to her head. He wanted to replace it with an image of her with him, _in his arms all night_ and he wondered if they would ever share a moment like that.

Already feeling a pang of guilt biting at him, he stepped back also, the distance between them now a less intimate one. He knew that he didn't really have anything to feel guilty about - he hadn't done anything inappropriate with Olivia, but in his mind and ...his heart... _he desired that connection with her to deepen_ , and for that reason he had to take that step back, and go home - to his wife.

"I'll always be here for you Liv," he said with sincerity.

"I know El...me too," she smiled.

 **Just a little scene that I wanted to try to play out. I fought the urge to take it further with them, and almost did but just wanted to see them hold each other. Now i'm off to write some EO - because it just has to be done!**


End file.
